How Often Should We Make Love? The Truth About What’s 'Normal' for His Age
Every woman wonders at some point: How often should we be making love? Is what we're experiencing still normal?
The truth is reassuring: there's no single number that fits every couple. Desire and energy naturally change with age. Add in health, weight, sleep, and stress, and it's easy to see why intimacy doesn't run on a clock. What matters most is that you and your partner feel connected, satisfied, and loved.
How Age Shapes Desire and Recovery
In his younger years, a man's body is quick to bounce back. Recovery after sex may be so fast you hardly notice it. But as the decades pass, the body slows down. This isn't failure or loss of attraction. It's simply biology.
Here's a useful guide doctors often share:
- 20s → 2–4 times per week is common; recovery takes about 20 minutes.
- 30s → 1–3 times per week; recharge can take 2 hours.
- 40s → 1–2 times per week; recovery often 6 hours.
- 50s → once a week on average; recharge may take 12–24 hours.
- 60s–70s → once every week or two; recovery can stretch to several days.
- 80s–90s → once or twice a month is perfectly normal; recovery may stretch to weeks.
Doctors like to sum it up this way: 20 minutes at 20, 20 days at 90.
Why Numbers Aren't the Whole Story
Of course, no couple should live by averages alone. Life and health play a huge role in how often a man is ready for sex. Sometimes his mind is eager but his body isn't quite on board.
If he's carrying extra weight, testosterone can dip, slowing things down. Poor sleep or little exercise can make matters worse. On the other hand, a man who takes care of his body and keeps stress low often enjoys a stronger sex life well into later years.
Men and Women: Built Differently
Here's an important difference women should understand. Men always have a recovery period after orgasm — and it grows longer with age. Women, however, don't usually have the same restriction.
Many can enjoy multiple orgasms without needing much of a break, though sensitivity may make a short pause welcome. Hormones, mood, and energy can shift a woman's desire, but biology doesn't hit the same “pause button” it does for men.
This is why couples sometimes feel out of sync. You may still be ready while he needs hours or even days. That difference isn't rejection. It's just nature.
For Women: Understanding These Changes
When sex slows down, it's easy to worry. Is he still attracted to me? Has he lost interest? The truth is usually much gentler. Desire often remains, even if the body takes longer to respond. Knowing this can ease fears and replace pressure with patience.
For Men: Intimacy Beyond Intercourse
Performance may change with time, but intimacy doesn't have to. Hands and caresses can be deeply satisfying. Oral intimacy can be deeply satisfying for many women as well. Words, laughter, and simple closeness can strengthen the bond even more than intercourse alone.
When couples broaden their idea of what sex means, many discover a richer and more playful intimacy than they had in their younger years.
Keeping Passion Alive Together
The basics still matter most. Prioritize sleep. Move your body. Eat well. Manage stress. These simple steps not only improve health but also make intimacy more enjoyable and more frequent. Above all, keep making time for closeness — whether that's a date night, a walk hand-in-hand, or cuddling on the couch.
The Prostate Cancer Warrior's Conclusion:
So, how many times per week is “normal”? At 20, two to four times a week may be average. By 70, once every week or two is common. By 90, once a month may be plenty. But the real answer isn't found in numbers. It's found in connection, patience, and care.
Love and intimacy aren't measured by frequency. They're measured by how you make each other feel. And that can last a lifetime.
About the Author
Scott Oliver, 66, is living well with prostate cancer after dedicating more than 4,000 hours to researching the condition. His first goal is to help men reduce their risk of developing prostate cancer through proven lifestyle strategies.
When diagnosed, his mission is to help men avoid unnecessary prostate surgeries that can lead to devastating complications such as incontinence, bleeding, permanent impotence, and a loss of length.
Scott Oliver is not a doctor and does not offer medical advice; however, he is healthier and fitter than he has been in decades. Through his articles and videos, he shares hard-to-find, uncensored information on proven alternative therapies, effective fitness methods, and repurposed drugs, content that most doctors won’t mention and search engines suppress.
He is an accredited member of the National Writers Union (NWU) and the International Federation of Journalists (IFJ), the world’s largest organization of professional journalists. Scott is also the author of What If Cancer’s Best Defense Is Free? Sleep as a Defense Against Cancer: A Former Royal Marines Commando’s 4,000-Hour Research Roadmap, where he reveals how sleep repairs DNA, restores immunity, and strengthens the body’s natural defenses against cancer.
You can always contact Scott Oliver here with your questions and suggestions.
Expert Resources Used By Scott Oliver To Research and Write This Article:
- Sex Frequency by Age Statistics 2024 (iusw.org) https://iusw.org/sex-frequency-by-age/
- What Is the Average Frequency of Sex by Age? (Biology Insights) https://biologyinsights.com/what-is-the-average-frequency-of-sex-by-age/
- How Often Do Couples Really Have Sex? (Psychology Today) https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/psymon-says/202303/how-often-do-couples-really-have-sex
- Refractory Period: What to Know, and Can You Shorten It? (Medical News Today) https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/refractory-period
- An Exploratory Study of Women's Post-Orgasmic Experiences (ResearchGate) https://www.researchgate.net/publication/288131749_Reconsidering_the_refractory_period_An_exploratory_study_of_women%27s_post-orgasmic_experiences
- By the Numbers: What's Happening in the Bedroom (APA Monitor) https://www.apa.org/monitor/2017/06/numbers
- Average Sex per Week by Age: How Do You Match Up? (Pilot) https://pilot.com.au/co-pilot/average-sex-per-week-by-age
- How Often Do Couples Have Sex? Stats and What's Normal (Verywell Health) https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-often-do-couples-really-have-sex-2329045
- Americans Are Having Less Sex Than Ever (WSJ) https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/relationships/americans-are-having-less-sex-than-ever-785973ce
- Sex Changes as We Age. Let's Embrace That (Time) https://time.com/6977864/midlife-intimacy-essay/